Monday, December 31, 2018

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Black Heartbeat (aka: rip it out, throw it away)

Another gem from 2014.  It seems Seether and Anti-Mortem were in sync that year.  More of the same; inner-turmoil at its best.  But music heals.

Anti-Mortem - Black Heartbeat

Used and abused, heart-breaking news
To live a lie and watch you die
Choking on your words
It's safe to say it's over now
At least until you call
Sometimes I've wondered why I cared
Or loved you at all
Go on and pretend that it's not your fault
Your cold black heartbeat has come to a halt

So use me, abuse me
To get what you need
Confuse me, lie to me
Your damage has been done
You can't take advantage
Of my love anymore
No trust
No honesty
Then just walk out the door

When I see you out, I keep my pace
My cold black eyes wipe that smile right off your face
You know that it hurts 'cuz you made me this way
But if you died tomorrow well I'd spit on your grave
Go on and pretend that it's not your fault
Your cold black heartbeat has come to a halt

So use me, abuse me
To get what you need
Confuse me, lie to me
Your damage has been done

You can't take advantage
Of my love anymore
No trust
No honesty
Then just walk out the door

So use me, abuse me
To get what you need
Confuse me, lie to me
Your damage is done

So use me, abuse me
To get what you need
Confuse me, lie to me
Your damage has been done

You can't take advantage
Of my love anymore
No trust
No honesty
Then just walk out the door
No trust
No honesty

Same Damn Life (aka: why the same damn life?)

Three years later and this song still holds a lot of meaning.  Most of which is inner-turmoil.  As they say, read between the lines and the truth shall unfold. I'm trying......

Seether - Same Damn Life


Come smoke a cigarette and let your hair down
Then pray for the rain to go away
I'm trying to forget I let us both down
Then pray for the sun to come again

I never thought I could feel so small
But you're the one that can't live without attention
I never thought I would lose this all
But you're the one who needs the fucking intervention

Now I'm reliving my whole damn life
And it's a shame that I can't remember
And now I'm living the same damn lie
It's a shame, but nothing's forever

With every new regret I start to wear down
Then pray for the pain to go away
I need an amulet, I need a new sound
I know everything remains the same

I never thought I could feel so small
I'm the one who will suffer this detention
I never thought I would lose this all
But I accept this is my new education

Now I'm reliving my whole damn life
And it's a shame that I can't remember
And now I'm living the same damn lie
It's a shame, but nothing's forever

Saturday, April 1, 2017

life lessons when staring in the mirror... (aka: and so it goes)

It's funny; life rolls along and always knows how to throw curve balls without any warning or reason for it whatsoever.  That’s life, right?  It’s a quick jab to current life or a swift kick to the family jewels regarding the past.  Either way, its things that require 100% attention or it becomes a slippery slope of sorts.

I will never be capable of grasping everything in life, but there are many times I feel disconnected to what I want to do in life.  As I grow older, I still maintain the energy and excitement inside as if I were still eighteen years old.  There’s so much I want to do on a daily basis, but restricted due to commitment to my current job.  I have the luxury of working from home instead of having to go into an office.  Moreover, business travel comes into play often, which places me in either familiar or unfamiliar locations.  No problems with that for the most part but experience most everything alone.  I should be used to it after so many years, but it does weigh on me more often.

I’ve done a lot over the years, whether it be my career or in my personal life.  I’ve had a lot of fun. My happy/fun factor hasn’t been at the level where I’d like it, and that’s a problem.  First world problem, yes.  Maybe all this has something to do with turning fifty recently, I’m not sure.  I want to squeeze so much more out of life and balance that out with my job (which is its own balancing act; feast or famine in my line of work).   

I did a damn good job of balancing things last year and made a couple of trips to San Diego to see my daughter.  We went to Universal Studios, attended a baseball game at Dodger Stadium May ’16, and visited West Hollywood for the first time in years.  Had a few drinks at the infamous Rainbow on the Sunset Strip, visited Amoeba (best damn music shop in the world), and went to the beach a couple times.  Went back out to SD in Aug ’16 to catch the Guns N’ Roses show at Qualcomm Stadium (phenomenal) and took in not one but two MLB baseball games.  Also ventured out to Las Vegas to attend a couple shows (Black Sabbath in Feb ’16 and Metal Church/Armored Saint June ’16).  See, no complaints here.

Then in mid-July ’16, I was engaged in a lot of business travel, which lasted until December.  The first week of Jan 2017 I was hit with an anti immune disorder which horribly affected my skin and sidelined me from work travel. So aside from the SD trip in Aug, all I saw was airports, hotel rooms, conference rooms and work…work…work.  That line from Stephen King’s book “The Shining” comes to mind, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”  Not in a ‘woes me’ way, because I don’t feel as though I’m looking for a ‘pity party’.  However, I want to improve my quality of life now.  Not when I’m too old to enjoy it (or afford it).

Also for some reason, I’ve been listening to a lot of Ed Sheeran.  Been a fan for about six years and enjoy his music, but I seem to have gravitated to his music even more over the last couple months.

I just need to figure out the means.  Where there’s a will there’s a way.

Ed Sheeran - Happier

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Remembering Brad Delp - 10 Years (aka: the man with the golden voice)


Celebrating iconic vocalist Brad Delp today (Mar 09, 2007). Can't believe he's been gone for ten years. His death came as such a surprise. I saw Boston in concert four times prior to his death. 

And even though he was losing a bit of his range, he still belted out 'More Than A Feeling', 'Don't Look Back', 'Rock And Roll Band', 'Smokin', 'Piece Of Mind'...the list goes on. Loved this guy and he lives on through the music.

Brad Delp - 'More Than A Feeling' [Vocals Only]

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Getting closer.....just walk. (aka: c'mon dave....show me a sign)




"Now.....
For the very first time
Don't you pay no mind?
Set me free again
You keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a riot
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
The first decline another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm praying for a sign
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I'm on my knees
I never wanna die
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I'll never say goodbye
Forever, whatever
Forever, whatever......"

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Miiidliiiife Criiiisis (aka: holy ashtray! fifty is looming overhead)


The big 5-0 is approaching.

<my mantra>It's just a number.....It's just a number.....It's just a number.....

"A midlife crisis is a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle aged individuals. It's a psychological and behavioral observation that commonly occurs with individuals between the ages 45–64."